Premature ejaculation is a condition in which a man ejaculates early, sometimes even before reaching climax. This is disappointing and self-debilitating, and leads to further sexual frustration and lowered confidence.
Whilst the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V) defines premature ejaculation as a persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on or shortly after penetration and before a person wishes. Wow, that’s not a sexy definition. Personally, I define it as you come quicker than you or your partner wants.
What’s the No. 1 sexual issue that men face today?
OK, the guy who said finding a sexual partner wins — I’ll give you that one.
What’s the second then?
Chances are most of you said premature ejaculation, and most of you likely had a reaction to that term — you felt some anxiety or thought about clicking back to your streaming porn that’s taking forever to download.
It’s time to stop avoiding the issue and look at it. Why? For the simple reason that we only live once and having the best possible sex life should be an item on our bucket lists.
What causes premature ejaculation?
There’s not one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the culprit, repetitive learned behaviors, excessive or insufficient arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. Evolutionary psychology suggests men learned to ejaculate quickly to ensure they completed the sex act before a predator attacked, a female escaped, a male interrupted, or to increase the chance of procreation. Maybe we can blame the cavemen? For our purposes, let’s leave the scientists to figure out the causes and let’s focus on tips for curing premature ejaculation.
Although, it is a fairly common disorder and most men experience it at some point in their lives, frequent occurrences can get frustrating and rather detrimental to life and relationships.
Premature ejaculation has distinct physical, energetic, mental and emotional components that must be all addressed simultaneously to cure premature ejaculation symptoms.
Behavioural techniques can help you delay orgasm. These include the start-and-stop method and the squeeze technique.
A combination of these techniques along with sexual counselling and medication (either using an anaesthetic cream or an oral tablet) is recommended.
Anxiety reduction
Let’s start with what we can do before our penis comes into play. First, you need to learn to calm yourself down and lower your performance anxiety levels. Because premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent sex, men with low frequencies of sexual activity often get extra excited and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety when sex presents itself. Even men with frequent sex can get extra aroused. Reducing anxiety is different for everyone. Meditation, hypnosis or imagery exercises may help for some. Just like an athlete works with the sports psychologist to envision their performance, you can do the same sexual imagery for the bedroom. How many of you imagine positive sexual scenarios, envision your interactions and what behaviors you would engage in? Imagery can be like a positive mental plan, something you can fall back on that can help you manage your anxiety beforehand — and in the moment.
Communicating your anxiety is also helpful. We hear the expression, “a big relief to get that off my chest,” yet it’s rarely used for premature ejaculation. Talking with a partner, friend or therapist opens the door for anxiety relief and can help address and alleviate some of our fears. Men are notorious for keeping things inside and it’s no different for a delicate subject like this. Things like our penis size, body image, relationship difficulties, and stressors in life (work, financial, family, health) can all add to our anxiety levels in the bedroom. Lastly, pick up some sex education books or DVDs on sex techniques and sexual expression. There are thousands out there and the more sex education you have, the more competent, confident and less anxious you’ll feel.
Pelvic muscles
Ever notice the tension you feel in your body? Men are less likely to find ways to release pelvic tension. Often, men are engaged in actions and behaviors throughout their lives and during sex that reinforce muscular tension. During sex, if you’re holding your breath, flexing your abs and muscles, or supporting your weight in certain sexual positions (missionary), you’re creating muscle tension that increases the potential for premature ejaculation.
The classic example is men who tighten their muscles as they push out their erection to feel and appear larger to their partner. Since orgasm is muscular contractions that release muscular tension, it’d be wise for us to work on our muscle tension levels. Activities like yoga, stretching, anxiety reduction skills, and working out are all ways to decrease the tension in your pelvic and abdominal regions outside of the bedroom.
I also recommend you allow your partner (or masseuse) to give you a full body massage. Be mindful of the performance anxiety you experience and the tension release you feel as they touch your stomach, your thighs, your buttocks, and other areas of your body. It’s not about genital stimulation; it’s about managing the discomfort we may feel with our bodies, being touched and feeling exposed. Men that are comfortable with their body image and with being touched often have lower ratings of sex_ual anxiety.
Another important technique to lasting longer is doing Kegel exercises. If you haven’t tried them, what are you waiting for? There’s no better method to strengthen your pelvic region and to create strong pubococcygeus muscles.
What causes premature ejaculation?
There’s not one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the culprit, repetitive learned behaviors, excessive or insufficient arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. Evolutionary psychology suggests men learned to ejaculate quickly to ensure they completed the sex act before a predator attacked, a female escaped, a male interrupted, or to increase the chance of procreation. Maybe we can blame the cavemen? For our purposes, let’s leave the scientists to figure out the causes and let’s focus on tips for curing premature ejaculation.
Although, it is a fairly common disorder and most men experience it at some point in their lives, frequent occurrences can get frustrating and rather detrimental to life and relationships.
Premature ejaculation has distinct physical, energetic, mental and emotional components that must be all addressed simultaneously to cure premature ejaculation symptoms.
Behavioural techniques can help you delay orgasm. These include the start-and-stop method and the squeeze technique.
A combination of these techniques along with sexual counselling and medication (either using an anaesthetic cream or an oral tablet) is recommended.
Anxiety reduction
Let’s start with what we can do before our penis comes into play. First, you need to learn to calm yourself down and lower your performance anxiety levels. Because premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent sex, men with low frequencies of sexual activity often get extra excited and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety when sex presents itself. Even men with frequent sex can get extra aroused. Reducing anxiety is different for everyone. Meditation, hypnosis or imagery exercises may help for some. Just like an athlete works with the sports psychologist to envision their performance, you can do the same sexual imagery for the bedroom. How many of you imagine positive sexual scenarios, envision your interactions and what behaviors you would engage in? Imagery can be like a positive mental plan, something you can fall back on that can help you manage your anxiety beforehand — and in the moment.
Communicating your anxiety is also helpful. We hear the expression, “a big relief to get that off my chest,” yet it’s rarely used for premature ejaculation. Talking with a partner, friend or therapist opens the door for anxiety relief and can help address and alleviate some of our fears. Men are notorious for keeping things inside and it’s no different for a delicate subject like this. Things like our penis size, body image, relationship difficulties, and stressors in life (work, financial, family, health) can all add to our anxiety levels in the bedroom. Lastly, pick up some sex education books or DVDs on sex techniques and sexual expression. There are thousands out there and the more sex education you have, the more competent, confident and less anxious you’ll feel.
Pelvic muscles
Ever notice the tension you feel in your body? Men are less likely to find ways to release pelvic tension. Often, men are engaged in actions and behaviors throughout their lives and during sex that reinforce muscular tension. During sex, if you’re holding your breath, flexing your abs and muscles, or supporting your weight in certain sexual positions (missionary), you’re creating muscle tension that increases the potential for premature ejaculation.
The classic example is men who tighten their muscles as they push out their erection to feel and appear larger to their partner. Since orgasm is muscular contractions that release muscular tension, it’d be wise for us to work on our muscle tension levels. Activities like yoga, stretching, anxiety reduction skills, and working out are all ways to decrease the tension in your pelvic and abdominal regions outside of the bedroom.
I also recommend you allow your partner (or masseuse) to give you a full body massage. Be mindful of the performance anxiety you experience and the tension release you feel as they touch your stomach, your thighs, your buttocks, and other areas of your body. It’s not about genital stimulation; it’s about managing the discomfort we may feel with our bodies, being touched and feeling exposed. Men that are comfortable with their body image and with being touched often have lower ratings of sex_ual anxiety.
Another important technique to lasting longer is doing Kegel exercises. If you haven’t tried them, what are you waiting for? There’s no better method to strengthen your pelvic region and to create strong pubococcygeus muscles.
One of the reasons Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are two of the great quarterbacks in the NFL is because they spend thousands of hours watching game films to prepare for the game. What are you doing to prepare for se_x? You can’t expect greatness if you don’t put in the time.
Sex positionsWho would’ve thought the positions we have sex in can impact premature ejaculation? Oddly enough, the most popular position in the U.S. is male superior (missionary), which is also the position associated most with premature ejaculation. This is because muscular tension is increased as the male is supporting his body weight with his arms and core strength. For a male looking to cure premature ejaculation, utilize positions that limit muscular tension such as female superior (female on top), side-to-side (spooning) and rear entry (doggy style) when both partners are on their knees. Incorporate deep breathing with these sex positions to keep the blood and oxygen circulating. Always learn not to contract your muscles, or tense them, be always relaxed but effective.
Sex positionsWho would’ve thought the positions we have sex in can impact premature ejaculation? Oddly enough, the most popular position in the U.S. is male superior (missionary), which is also the position associated most with premature ejaculation. This is because muscular tension is increased as the male is supporting his body weight with his arms and core strength. For a male looking to cure premature ejaculation, utilize positions that limit muscular tension such as female superior (female on top), side-to-side (spooning) and rear entry (doggy style) when both partners are on their knees. Incorporate deep breathing with these sex positions to keep the blood and oxygen circulating. Always learn not to contract your muscles, or tense them, be always relaxed but effective.
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